damn i have been really lazy i only got gnostic like once a week . most of my work i did on the fly without getting into a deep gnostic state.
now its getting harder to get into a trance state and feel my energy get bigger and bigger. i was feeling very mundane and not very spiritual.
my magick muscles are getting flabby. i hardly tried to influence anything and just let things be. i feel that my skills in achieving gnosis has been affected my inactivity. so these days im trying more frequently to get those muscles back into shape. i remember when i use to be addicited to gnosis and always wanted to be in that state where i can feel my energy getting stronger and stronger. i wasnt too thrilled about my obsession of always being gnositic because im so hard on myslefd that if i fail to acheive what i wanted and would fuck up my confidence. now im going for the middle path where i can be happy and have skills and confidence i want . it kinda helped me rethink my life a bit i want to lose wieght and make more muscle in my physical body as well . i already quit smoking cigs so i am kinda proud myself for that too. so yeah..... i learned that if you dont upkeep the work you put into your gnostic state and you dont keep it in shape you will lose some skill. the same rules apply to material world too. i guess i was naive, overconfident and foolish .