when i starting out with this magick thing. i was trying to fit an image in my head . i thought i wanted this specific image and i tried it for years . then i was having a mental crisis and i thought maye i should be the exact opposite . well basically to get any wisdom you need experience. some was good some was bad. i guess sometimes when wisdom slaps you in the face your not ready for it and you gotta wait for that moment that you say ""oh.....i get it now"" and it comes naturally want and you figure out what your zen is. now these images i though i wanted we exaggerations of what could work for me. then with some empathy and less ego i figured out a way to fit my magician self combine with my everyday self creating a hybrid personality that suits me fine with plenty flaws and inconsistentcies to allow me to grow and evolve.