Just relax and go with the flow. Follow these thoughts and see where they take you. They are only thoughts. The more you attempt to suppress them, the worse they get. Remember you are no different then you were before you smoked.

Use less of it. Try varying amounts. Instead of 1 joint, smoke only half of it. Instead of 3 bong hits, do only one....etc

I have been fortunate in acquiring some cookies, and I know from very unpleasant past experience what too much can do to me. So, I only eat half a cookie at a time, and that is usually enough for me to open up, but still not go to far out, or overwhelm my system and my senses.

Try doing it in a place that is safe and secure. Like a private bathroom in your residence. Relax, take a bath, do some cleansing/purification before hand, and follow that up with some protections.

sounds like the medicine is working . . ." fears pushed back into my subconcious emerge again. old paranoias about being attacked psychically make me defensive. why cant i just relax and fixate on the good things going on", these will keep emerging until you work through them. You can consciously choose to engage, enlisting the help of sacred allies, deal with them in your dreams, or supress them until the point that they manifest in ordinary reality . . . your choice . . . AP

regarding smoking . . . stay in the moment, don't project into the future (how can I go to a party, be with smokers, etc without smoking . . . just stay in the moment, commit your Will and intent by stating "in this moment I choose not to smoke.", refrain from negative statements that take your power away, "I CANT smoke, I Have to quit, I CANT be around this (persona, place or thing) without smoking", excercise your true will, and CHOOSE not to smoke.

Also, I don't know how long you have smoked, but I don't recommend substituting ANYTHING for your smoking habit, because that is what it is, a habit . . . addiction has very little to do with it. If you substitute pot, drinking, patches, eating, sex, whatever, then you are still feeding the habit, running from those thoughts and fears, or simply the discomfort of having something to do.

It is best to make a clean break, stay in the moment, stay positive, use your cig. money to save up for something cool . . . rechannel your discomfort, deal with your past, choose your path . . . AP

one more thought . . . "I put meaning into everything i see and to me thats a bad thing. " I suppose for the unaware, drugs can be an escape, but for the awakened, there is no escape . . . if your reason for smoking pot is to substitute tobacco, and suppress your feelings, I believe you picked the wrong drug . . .